Jokes – Performance Evaluations & Appraisals.

This collection of evaluations and appraisals is included to give the Guidelines you’re preparing some humour and light banter. Niels Kjellerup 29.2.00

 These quotes were taken from actual Performance Evaluations:

1. "Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom and has
started to dig."

2. "I would not allow this employee to breed."

3. "This associate is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a
definitely won't be."

4. "This young lady has delusions of adequacy."

5. "Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat
in a trap."

6. "When she opens her mouth, it seems that this is only to change
whichever foot was previously in there."

7. "He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to
achieve them."

8. "This employee is depriving a village of an idiot."

9. "This employee should go far and the sooner he starts, the better."

These lines are actual lines from Military Performance Appraisals:

1. Got into the gene pool while the lifeguard wasn't watching.

2. A room temperature IQ.

3. Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all
together.

4. A gross ignoramus -- 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus.

5. A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on.

6. Bright as Alaska in December.

7. Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming.

8. He's so dense, light bends around him.

9. If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week.

10. It's hard to believe that he beat out 1,000,000 other sperm.

Samples of angry Customer Calls - ( rude language galore).

1) The IVR Trap

2) Sir Peter's Roll's

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